They truely ARE fabulous!

I want a gay best friend.

I would like a fun-loving, over-the-top, funny man who likes to go shopping and can discuss in detail the pros and cons of each of Tori and Dean's multiple reality shows. There are no straight men who fit within those parameters, so that means I need a gay man to fulfill the list.

Unfortunately for me I only know a couple of gay men, and none of them fit perfectly into the fabulous friendship I've envisioned (see: ex-roommate who didn't know he was gay but made me watch America's Next Top Model marathons and could tell the designer of every purse I owned on site). So I am forced to settle for the next best thing: TV gays.

Every Sunday I tell Shannon how much I love David Tutera, because I truly do, but I think I want him as a wedding planner and not so much a gay bestie. He seems like Martha Stewart but with a smaller ego (not to mention smaller prison following, bwahaha)... Nope, I have my heart set on not one, but two gay men, namely in the form of The Fabulous Beekman Boys.

For anyone who doesn't know The Fabulous Beekman Boys, they are a couple who moved from the city (New York City??? Get a rope!) and bought a historic farm in upstate New York. Now they raise goats, whose milk they use to create soap and cheese and film a fantastically hilarious reality show of their experiences.

Dr. Brent Ridge was born in the south and after medical school went to work for THE Martha Stewart. He's like a mini-Martha; ever the perfectionist, very anal-retentive, detail-oriented, and an over-achiever. I wasn't the biggest Brent fan the first season, I felt like he needed to loosen up, but now I love him as much as his partner. I think he is just misunderstood. Plus, you have got to love a man who washes his pigs before a party!

Josh Kilmer-Parcel is really the character in the show. He still works in the city during the week in advertising, a job leftover from his days as a drag queen named Aqua who had goldfish floating in her boobs. I highly recommend his first book "I Am Not Myself These Days" about his experiences while Aqua dated a crack-addicted gay hooker named Jack. Very entertaining read, although being the girl who couldn't ever watch Unsolved Mysteries because I couldn't take not knowing things, the ending bothered me, and still does to this day, but that shouldn't stop anyone from reading it! Josh is a lot more laid back, very witty and the skilled chef of the two. He even comes with his own model walk, which isn't easy to pull off in his wellies!

The show The Fabulous Beekman Boys airs on Planet Green. Not sure what day or time, I always catch it on demand (Life and Style/Planet Green/Fabulous Beekman Boys). It is so worth it!

This week was the conclusion of their road trip. Josh wanted to take a vacation, so Brent booked a fabulous road trip....to South Carolina to pick up some black sheep for Martha. While driving back up the east coast, they stopped at a bed and breakfast that allowed pets. Josh snuck them in the room while Brent distracted the shopkeep. When Josh opened the window to tell Brent he could come upstairs, one of the sheep baa'd so he baaa'd his conversation to Brent to mask it.

After dropping the sheep off at Martha, Josh commented that Martha Stewart's barn smelled like lemons. "I'm not sure what she's feeding her animals," he said. "Well, obviously lemons." (It's actually really funny if you watch it).

Anyway, I love this show and every week I literally laugh out loud at something someone says or does, and that doesn't happen too often  anymore with tv shows. I highly recommend everyone check it out as well and looking up Josh's first book. There is a link to their site, on my main blogger page. So worth it. Or you can just help support their efforts and entertainment by purchasing some of their goat milk soap, sold at Anthropologie everywhere :)

Mes racines françaises

Perhaps I should further clarify to the Frenchness that has consumed my life so everyone understands just how funny and awesome my android is.

First things first.  My computer at my old job liked to be French.  A couple of years ago, it suddenly decided English was too hard, so converted EVERY SINGLE WORD to French.  Interestingly, I don't speak French so it was a tad disconcerning for me.  A call to the IT department quickly confirmed that yes, indeed, it was in French even though the language was set to English. Several more calls and remote logins resulted in no results so after a few months of French, they switched out my hard drive.

The new hard drive helped for awhile, but then it started changing all of the spelling and grammar to French.  This ended with all documents on my computer having so many red and green lines, it was like Christmas everyday!  Some more work on it, a few visits by some stinky outside IT guy with questionable social skills and suddenly French became the exception instead of the rule.

That, however, occurred after everyone decided my plight (mon sort) was hysterical so began IMing and emailing me in French. Hardy har har bitches (Har Har hardy, chiennes)!

That brings me to phase 2 in the French Revolution. 

A couple of years ago, I got the idea in my head to log onto Ancestry.com and research my family tree.  It was easy getting started as one of my mom's cousins had done a lot of research so that took me back quite aways before our lineages split.  That's where my lineage got interesting.

I stared at the computer screen, unhappy with the results.  "I'm French." I told Linda, with defeat ripe in my voice.  She laughed.

"No, you don't understand.  I'm not only French, my people RULED FRANCE."

More laughing.

Apparently my family is from the House of Bourbon:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Bourbon.  They *thankfully* split a few generations prior to the whole Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" fiasco, which is why I am here, and her head is bured as an accessory to her body.  Good job picking that bride, Louise XVI.  And yes, Bourbon is named after the area it was made, which was in turned named after the House of Bourbon. 

Prior to that there are relatives in the House of Orleans and more importantly House of Capet (more commonly referred to as House of France).

Going further back and outside of the tree, my relatives include:

Vaclav II of Bohemia, descendent of Vaclav I (Wenceslaus I) of "Good King Wenceslaus" Carolling fame

Louis IX aka "Saint Louis"...basically anything named Louis is named after this ancestor.  St. Louis, all places in Brazil named Sao Luis, Lake Saint-Louis in Quebec, Cathedral Saint Louis in Versailles, hospitals, Basillicas, etc.

Marie Capet, Countess of Champagne

Adelaide of Maurienne, who according to Wikipedia has a fable written about her:
Adélaide is one of two queens in a legend related by William Dugdale. As the story goes, Queen Adélaide of France became enamoured of a young knight, William d'Albini, at a joust. But he was already engaged to Adeliza of Louvain and refused to become her lover. The jealous Adélaide lured him into the clutches of a hungry lion, but William ripped out the beast's tongue with his bare hands and thus killed it. This story is almost without a doubt apocryphal.

Còsimo di Giovanni degli Mèdici: de facto ruler in Florence, Italy who was responsible for hiring Michelozzo Michelozzi who created the Palazzo Medici.  He commissioned The David from Donatello, who was a close personal confident, and also hired Brunellescia to complete the dome of Santa Maria del Fiore.

Emperor Heinrich VII, of the Holy Roman Empire: A widely respected and admired German Emperor who reinvigorated the Imperial Cause in Italy. Henry is the famous alto Arrigo in Dante's Paradiso, in which the poet is shown the seat of honor that awaits Henry in Heaven. Henry in Paradiso xxx.137f is "He who came to reform Italy before she was ready for it". Dante also alludes to him numerous times in "Purgatorio" as the savior who will bring imperial rule back to Italy, and end the inappropriate temporal control of the Church.

Richard I of England: A.k.a. Richard the Lionhearted

French droid!

As my old work computer was french, and apparently my people ruled france for like hundreds and hundreds of years, it seems only fitting my droid character should be french too!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Limitless

A MOVIE REVIEW
Aka "What I took away from the film"


1. Bradley Cooper is HOT.


2. Bradley Cooper has two terrible, horrible, no good, very bad haircuts in the film which make him slightly less hot, and by "slightly less hot" I really mean "still no reason to kick him out of bed for eating crackers".
       *Side thought: I actually probably would kick him out of bed for eating crackers, or any other man, including my real celebrity husband (Henry Cavill, whom I saw first and have full dibs on so suck it you hoes!) because honestly who wants to sleep in a crumy bed? Not comfortable.  Eat your crackers, buddy, and then you can come to bed.*


3. Honestly, if the voiceover says "the last of it is in that guy's bloodstream" you should be able to figure out what's going to happen next (#3 goes out to all of the idiots in the theater today who were 15 seconds behind the obvious).


4. Even though the fancy long shots were cool, I can't watch them because they make me sick.


5. Oh yeah, Bradley Cooper is hot.


Overall Rating for Limitless: B+

Inside the Actor's Studio

I happen to love Inside the Actors Studio and watch it whenever I remember I love it.  It's strangely boring and yet fascinating to watch celebrities answer questions point blank like "What is your father's name" and "Where did you go to school?"

In every episode James Lipton ends his interview by asking the same 10 questions.  So here are my answers to those questions just because:

1. What is your favorite word? Indubitably.  It's fun to say :)
2. What is your least favorite word? Rural because I can't say it at all.
3. What turns you on? Accents
4. What turns you off? Men wearing skinny jeans.  Or Justin Bieber hair.
5. What sound or noise do you love? Rainfall at night.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of someone vomiting.
7. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck.  You can use it in any form and for any mood.  Fuck!, for fuck's sake, fucktard, fuckity fuck, fuckin' A, fuck yeah! etc etc. It's America's favorite 4-letter word.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry chef.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Politician
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Fuck yeah!

First Kick 2011

Rain? In Seattle? On opening night of the Sounders season? NO!?!?

PS, Walter Kelly? You lied.  No rain after the first half my ass.

My Crazy Life

Day 17 Unemployed. 

How exactly does someone who is unemployed spend so much money?  I don't understand it.  And yet, even with all those dollars floating out of my bank account, I still do not own a couch.  It's unfathomable.  And yet, it's completely true.  I own an adorable armless chair from World Market and a hand-me-down, God-awful pink reclining chair that my father gave to me simply because my mother can't stand to look at it anymore.  But the pink chair (henceforth known as "Pepto") does have one redeeming quality: it swivels.

Swiveling is an underrated art.  While it's true I can no longer swivel as quickly or for as long as in my youth, I can still pass my unemployed loser days away dizzy and seeing the TV fly past me when I close my eyes.  As you can tell, I prefer to do the all-encompassing swivel, round and round as fast as I can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man.  Oh wait, I don't think that's right.  No matter.  In Loser Town: population 1 (one) you can swivel and mix up phrases as much as you want. 

Some people prefer the back and forth swivel, and that's nice for all of about 2 minutes. And then it's time to throw back some Dramamine and speak in pirate tongue with your new found sea legs.  Aye, round and round is perfect for me, matey.

Beyond Pepto is a world of excitement I like to call Seattle Sounders 2011 season, woo hoo! 

The season starts tomorrow and I am excited....and not so much.  I am not excited because it looks as if this season's home opener is going to be as fan-freakin-weather-tastic as last years.  Luckily, I come prepared this season with a bitchin' poncho. Though I am afraid to take it out of the box, it's folded up so nicely.  After tomorrow night's thunderstorms it will forever be thought of as outside-the-box cause, well frankly, that's where it will be.  I am pretty convinced the same midgets that sit on the plastic cases housing new sheets park their tiny midget asses on the poncho boxes.  Once the poncho comes out, it stays out.  Like Ricky Martin.

There is also mad drama in the row behind me, but that's not my story to share.  I just think it's sad when soccer comes between two friends.  Freddie Ljungberg or Benny Feilhaber, yes.  By all means, let the soccer studs come between friends...preferably me and one of my friends (ahem), but soccer tickets, no. 

Drama, drama, drama