Trust your gut when it screams "SKETCHY!"

Every office has that one employee that is, for lack of a better word, weird.  We all know the type. Anti-social, not particularily well-groomed or well-educated, maybe not the most competant at their position but more than anything, just twists your gut and sends signals to your brain to avoid his house on nights with a full moon.

At my last job there were several of these sketchy individuals.  There was the man who kept a picture of his naked ass in a folder on the shared drive along with pictures of young women (who were not his wife).  And then there was the man whom I caught watching porn in his office one day.  Both of these men pale in comparison to the IT guy.

Eric smelled of ball sweat and cheap, hand rolled cigarettes.  He didn't seem to shower often.  He was always sweaty, his clothes never fit very well and he was constantly attempting to grow a mustache that resembled something your 13 year old nephew would be trying out.  But his weirdness went way further than his lack of grooming.

He was the most anti-social, awkward man I had ever met (and I used to work for an internet technology company with software engineers so I know awkward).  He didn't like music or television, instead preferring to spend all of his time on the computer.  He never dated, didn't seem to have any friends and couldn't talk to a woman to save his life.  His joke were bad, his knowledge of computers was minimal and in general, I felt bad for him as often as I felt squeamish of him.  We immeadiately butted heads and never grew past the initial dislike.  But i wasn't the only one who hated him.  Most of us in the office did, for one reason or another.  (blue screen of death? get more memory.  computer turns french for no reason at all? get more memory.  Can't print pdfs without the page printing out characters? you guessed it, you need more memory!)  I was also pretty convinced he was using the company to pay for computer parts and accessorie and selling them on the black market, but his boss never took my claims seriously. 

I dreaded having things go wrong with my computer because I neither trusted him or liked him.  Every time he left my area I would grab the can of Lysol and try to douse the foul odor that permeated from his ill-fitting attire.

Little did I know I was Lysoling the stench of child pornography...

Redmond man charged with child porn following largest probe in history

Attorney General: Redmond man, 71 others created ‘nightmare’ on Dreamboard

By LEVI PULKKINEN, SEATTLEPI.COM STAFF

Published 12:58 p.m., Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A Redmond man is among 72 men charged with child pornography-related crimes following what’s been described by Justice Department officials as the largest child pornography prosecution in the nation’s history.
Late last month, federal prosecutors in Seattle filed child pornography charges against Eric Karl Myszke-Francis, a Redmond man accused of sharing images of abused children over the “Dreamboard” site.
Prosecutors contend Myszke-Francis was caught sharing images and videos during a Department of Homeland Security investigation dubbed Operation Delego.
On Wednesday, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder announced the outcome of the investigation – 72 defendants charged, 52 of those under arrest.
Calling the operation the largest of its kind, Holder noted that Dreamboard members have been arrested in 14 countries.
“Dreamboard’s creators and members lived all over the world – but they allegedly were united by a disturbing belief that the sexual abuse of children is proper conduct that should not be criminalized; and some even referred to their own creation, dissemination and collection of child pornography as a ‘hobby,’” Holder said, according to a transcript of his prepared remarks.
“To put it simply, we have charged that these individuals shared a dream – to create the preeminent online community for the promotion of child sexual exploitation.  But for the children they victimized, this was nothing short of a nightmare.”
The investigation into Dreamboard was launched in November 2009 after law officers investigating another child pornography bulletin board learned of the site’s existence.
Investigators raided the site the following year after obtaining search warrants and found that there were about 600 users of the Dreamboard. Among them, prosecutors contend, was Myszke-Francis.
Going by the screen name SAMSACKK, Myszke-Francis posted dozens of pornographic photos of children, according to charging documents filed July 28 in U.S. District Court at Seattle.
Prosecutors contend Myszke-Francis demanded payment from other Dreamboard users hoping to access child pornography he’d posted to the site. Myszke-Francis allegedly hoped to sell a video of a 7-to-10-year-old girl being raped by a grown man.
In addition to the pornography, investigators claim to have also obtained a graphic message exchange between Myszke-Francis and other users during which he appears to critique and describe the children being sexually abused.
Investigators identified Myszke-Francis earlier in July and searched his home on the morning of July 28. Scouring the home, investigators allegedly found several videos showing children being raped or sexually assaulted.
Jailed since his arrest on July 28, Myszke-Francis is expected in U.S. District Court on Tuesday for a preliminary hearing.


Holy crap. 

Today I remembered a conversation I stumbled up him having with another coworker once.  The coworker (an older gentleman, on the verge of retiring) was asking Eric about his dating life.  He said he was having a hard time meeting women since he had moved to Seattle.  The coworker suggested he borrow a friend's child and hit the grocery store, theorizing that women would love to meet a man who was good with kids.  *Shudder*

I hope he goes to prison for a very very long time.  I also hope he gets some serious counseling in prison.  Another former coworker today said she hopes he gets raped by big giant...roosters...in the pen.  I told her that even prisoners don't find the smell of ball sweat and child porn appealing so he will probably be pretty safe.

Chicken Down!

My friend Angela sent me this blurb from a blog a few weeks ago.  I thought it was so funny I actually sat at my desk at work cracking up loudly.  When they asked what was so funny I forwarded it on to a few people for their enjoyment.  I guess they found it pretty hilarious too because ever since then we have walked around saying things like "this chicken WILL cut you." Which, of course, noone else gets because they haven't read the blog, but maybe that makes it even funnier...Regardless, I am passing the love along to you all.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

They truely ARE fabulous!

I want a gay best friend.

I would like a fun-loving, over-the-top, funny man who likes to go shopping and can discuss in detail the pros and cons of each of Tori and Dean's multiple reality shows. There are no straight men who fit within those parameters, so that means I need a gay man to fulfill the list.

Unfortunately for me I only know a couple of gay men, and none of them fit perfectly into the fabulous friendship I've envisioned (see: ex-roommate who didn't know he was gay but made me watch America's Next Top Model marathons and could tell the designer of every purse I owned on site). So I am forced to settle for the next best thing: TV gays.

Every Sunday I tell Shannon how much I love David Tutera, because I truly do, but I think I want him as a wedding planner and not so much a gay bestie. He seems like Martha Stewart but with a smaller ego (not to mention smaller prison following, bwahaha)... Nope, I have my heart set on not one, but two gay men, namely in the form of The Fabulous Beekman Boys.

For anyone who doesn't know The Fabulous Beekman Boys, they are a couple who moved from the city (New York City??? Get a rope!) and bought a historic farm in upstate New York. Now they raise goats, whose milk they use to create soap and cheese and film a fantastically hilarious reality show of their experiences.

Dr. Brent Ridge was born in the south and after medical school went to work for THE Martha Stewart. He's like a mini-Martha; ever the perfectionist, very anal-retentive, detail-oriented, and an over-achiever. I wasn't the biggest Brent fan the first season, I felt like he needed to loosen up, but now I love him as much as his partner. I think he is just misunderstood. Plus, you have got to love a man who washes his pigs before a party!

Josh Kilmer-Parcel is really the character in the show. He still works in the city during the week in advertising, a job leftover from his days as a drag queen named Aqua who had goldfish floating in her boobs. I highly recommend his first book "I Am Not Myself These Days" about his experiences while Aqua dated a crack-addicted gay hooker named Jack. Very entertaining read, although being the girl who couldn't ever watch Unsolved Mysteries because I couldn't take not knowing things, the ending bothered me, and still does to this day, but that shouldn't stop anyone from reading it! Josh is a lot more laid back, very witty and the skilled chef of the two. He even comes with his own model walk, which isn't easy to pull off in his wellies!

The show The Fabulous Beekman Boys airs on Planet Green. Not sure what day or time, I always catch it on demand (Life and Style/Planet Green/Fabulous Beekman Boys). It is so worth it!

This week was the conclusion of their road trip. Josh wanted to take a vacation, so Brent booked a fabulous road trip....to South Carolina to pick up some black sheep for Martha. While driving back up the east coast, they stopped at a bed and breakfast that allowed pets. Josh snuck them in the room while Brent distracted the shopkeep. When Josh opened the window to tell Brent he could come upstairs, one of the sheep baa'd so he baaa'd his conversation to Brent to mask it.

After dropping the sheep off at Martha, Josh commented that Martha Stewart's barn smelled like lemons. "I'm not sure what she's feeding her animals," he said. "Well, obviously lemons." (It's actually really funny if you watch it).

Anyway, I love this show and every week I literally laugh out loud at something someone says or does, and that doesn't happen too often  anymore with tv shows. I highly recommend everyone check it out as well and looking up Josh's first book. There is a link to their site, on my main blogger page. So worth it. Or you can just help support their efforts and entertainment by purchasing some of their goat milk soap, sold at Anthropologie everywhere :)

Mes racines françaises

Perhaps I should further clarify to the Frenchness that has consumed my life so everyone understands just how funny and awesome my android is.

First things first.  My computer at my old job liked to be French.  A couple of years ago, it suddenly decided English was too hard, so converted EVERY SINGLE WORD to French.  Interestingly, I don't speak French so it was a tad disconcerning for me.  A call to the IT department quickly confirmed that yes, indeed, it was in French even though the language was set to English. Several more calls and remote logins resulted in no results so after a few months of French, they switched out my hard drive.

The new hard drive helped for awhile, but then it started changing all of the spelling and grammar to French.  This ended with all documents on my computer having so many red and green lines, it was like Christmas everyday!  Some more work on it, a few visits by some stinky outside IT guy with questionable social skills and suddenly French became the exception instead of the rule.

That, however, occurred after everyone decided my plight (mon sort) was hysterical so began IMing and emailing me in French. Hardy har har bitches (Har Har hardy, chiennes)!

That brings me to phase 2 in the French Revolution. 

A couple of years ago, I got the idea in my head to log onto Ancestry.com and research my family tree.  It was easy getting started as one of my mom's cousins had done a lot of research so that took me back quite aways before our lineages split.  That's where my lineage got interesting.

I stared at the computer screen, unhappy with the results.  "I'm French." I told Linda, with defeat ripe in my voice.  She laughed.

"No, you don't understand.  I'm not only French, my people RULED FRANCE."

More laughing.

Apparently my family is from the House of Bourbon:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Bourbon.  They *thankfully* split a few generations prior to the whole Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" fiasco, which is why I am here, and her head is bured as an accessory to her body.  Good job picking that bride, Louise XVI.  And yes, Bourbon is named after the area it was made, which was in turned named after the House of Bourbon. 

Prior to that there are relatives in the House of Orleans and more importantly House of Capet (more commonly referred to as House of France).

Going further back and outside of the tree, my relatives include:

Vaclav II of Bohemia, descendent of Vaclav I (Wenceslaus I) of "Good King Wenceslaus" Carolling fame

Louis IX aka "Saint Louis"...basically anything named Louis is named after this ancestor.  St. Louis, all places in Brazil named Sao Luis, Lake Saint-Louis in Quebec, Cathedral Saint Louis in Versailles, hospitals, Basillicas, etc.

Marie Capet, Countess of Champagne

Adelaide of Maurienne, who according to Wikipedia has a fable written about her:
Adélaide is one of two queens in a legend related by William Dugdale. As the story goes, Queen Adélaide of France became enamoured of a young knight, William d'Albini, at a joust. But he was already engaged to Adeliza of Louvain and refused to become her lover. The jealous Adélaide lured him into the clutches of a hungry lion, but William ripped out the beast's tongue with his bare hands and thus killed it. This story is almost without a doubt apocryphal.

Còsimo di Giovanni degli Mèdici: de facto ruler in Florence, Italy who was responsible for hiring Michelozzo Michelozzi who created the Palazzo Medici.  He commissioned The David from Donatello, who was a close personal confident, and also hired Brunellescia to complete the dome of Santa Maria del Fiore.

Emperor Heinrich VII, of the Holy Roman Empire: A widely respected and admired German Emperor who reinvigorated the Imperial Cause in Italy. Henry is the famous alto Arrigo in Dante's Paradiso, in which the poet is shown the seat of honor that awaits Henry in Heaven. Henry in Paradiso xxx.137f is "He who came to reform Italy before she was ready for it". Dante also alludes to him numerous times in "Purgatorio" as the savior who will bring imperial rule back to Italy, and end the inappropriate temporal control of the Church.

Richard I of England: A.k.a. Richard the Lionhearted

French droid!

As my old work computer was french, and apparently my people ruled france for like hundreds and hundreds of years, it seems only fitting my droid character should be french too!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Limitless

A MOVIE REVIEW
Aka "What I took away from the film"


1. Bradley Cooper is HOT.


2. Bradley Cooper has two terrible, horrible, no good, very bad haircuts in the film which make him slightly less hot, and by "slightly less hot" I really mean "still no reason to kick him out of bed for eating crackers".
       *Side thought: I actually probably would kick him out of bed for eating crackers, or any other man, including my real celebrity husband (Henry Cavill, whom I saw first and have full dibs on so suck it you hoes!) because honestly who wants to sleep in a crumy bed? Not comfortable.  Eat your crackers, buddy, and then you can come to bed.*


3. Honestly, if the voiceover says "the last of it is in that guy's bloodstream" you should be able to figure out what's going to happen next (#3 goes out to all of the idiots in the theater today who were 15 seconds behind the obvious).


4. Even though the fancy long shots were cool, I can't watch them because they make me sick.


5. Oh yeah, Bradley Cooper is hot.


Overall Rating for Limitless: B+

Inside the Actor's Studio

I happen to love Inside the Actors Studio and watch it whenever I remember I love it.  It's strangely boring and yet fascinating to watch celebrities answer questions point blank like "What is your father's name" and "Where did you go to school?"

In every episode James Lipton ends his interview by asking the same 10 questions.  So here are my answers to those questions just because:

1. What is your favorite word? Indubitably.  It's fun to say :)
2. What is your least favorite word? Rural because I can't say it at all.
3. What turns you on? Accents
4. What turns you off? Men wearing skinny jeans.  Or Justin Bieber hair.
5. What sound or noise do you love? Rainfall at night.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of someone vomiting.
7. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck.  You can use it in any form and for any mood.  Fuck!, for fuck's sake, fucktard, fuckity fuck, fuckin' A, fuck yeah! etc etc. It's America's favorite 4-letter word.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry chef.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Politician
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Fuck yeah!